Shadow Work: What it is and how to accept it.

Photo by Guzmán Barquín via Unsplash

This post on shadow work was inspired by my amazingly talented friend and peer, Haley Bagley. Read her PUBLISHED article “Exploring the Locker” which speaks on how to embrace our true selves.

I remember the first time I learned about dream analysis and the unconscious mind through the work of Carl Jung. I was intrigued at the thought of taking something as subjective and illusive as a dream in order to drawn out a concrete interpretation of one’s waking life. This was my first dive into how the subconscious and the conscious mind interact to create our reality. 

I made this post because doing shadow work is so so important right now. If you aren’t directly aware of what shadow work is, after this post you might start to see how it has been hanging around with you, most likely begging for your attention during this past year of 2020. It’s helpful to understand before we jump into shadow that as a human, we encompass all emotions and experiences. We are not just one thing. We are everything. We are light and dark. We are feminine and masculine. We are joy and sadness. We are fear and confidence. We are the peanut butter and the jelly. We are the spectrum of everything. Hold onto this thought as you navigate this post and your future shadow work.

So what is the shadow self? I have come to know that we have two parts of self, the light and the dark (shadow). Jung states that the shadow self is a rejected aspect of self. What is a rejected aspect of self? It is a part of ourselves that we have been shamed into hiding. My belief is that this shaming is most prevalent during our childhood. Our young minds are formed by thinking things are either good or bad. For example, say as a child you are curious and like to explore your environment. This leads you outside your front door and into a busy street. Your caregiver, startled, runs outside to grab you. They then express, out of fear for your safety, how what you did was bad and dangerous. Your mind at this point is like a sponge and will soak up this knowledge to carry with you. This instance has created the association of exploration as bad and dangerous. You will carry this with you throughout your life as it has now been stored in your unconscious mind. As an adult, you might be more cautious to explore new things or be less risky when it comes to business or relationships. This is one small example and our childhood is filled with so many, but our minds are so malleable at this point in development that small instances will stick. It is through our early years of experience and through shaming that we solidify our shadow. This hidden aspect of self will stay unconsciously hidden but will consciously reveal itself as anger, jealously, fear, and judgment. They are emotions that make you feel heavy and dark. They are uncomfortable to process and because they are rooted in experiences stored in your subconscious, they can be difficult to address.  

Despite these labels, I have found my shadow to be my biggest teacher because in my experience, when I am triggered, it is just because there is an aspect of myself that I am ignoring. When I am triggered, I am seeing something that I was once shamed for in someone else. This aspect is asking to be addressed and healed. Is there an instance that you can recall being heavily triggered by someone but deep down it’s because there is something in them that you see in yourself? Or maybe you see something in them that you desperately want to be, but you were once told you shouldn’t be that way? It can feel overwhelming at first to process, I have to take a step back constantly to understand why I am annoyed or frustrated at someone. If you are feeling heavily responsive or triggered by someone, it is a good indicator that you need to do some shadow work. 

Let’s chat about our light side. The light part of self is the part that we want to show and share with the world. It is the part that we have been conditioned as acceptable to show and again are often encouraged to be this way in our childhood. When it is authentic, it is contagious to be around this state.

In the spiritual community it is considered your “high vibe”. This “high vibe” state is something that I often see preached that we can ONLY live in because anything lower will only attract darkness and shadow. This is when I believe it becomes inauthentic and I am inviting you to drop this fear of darkness.

Why do we have this fear of addressing our shadow? This is something I am still sorting out to be honest as you’re subscribing to a lifelong commitment of work. We aren’t always supported by modern society when we show these vulnerable shadow sides. The media we consume tells us we have to be a certain way. There doesn’t feel like there is a lot of support and resources on doing shadow work unless you happen to seek it out (why I wanted to make this post). Also, this work is really uncomfortable. Just yesterday when I was sitting in my shadow, I was feeling highly uncomfortable. I was refusing to address my shadow self until I finally let it in and then I was forced to be uncomfortable physically and mentally. It’s not fun, but I was proud of myself for sticking through it instead of seeking comfort through numbing myself.

Lastly, speaking of numbing, I believe that our society has developed a fast pace of life that doesn’t allow for addressing shadow. We move so quickly because then we can just live on the surface above the shadow. Any time we are asked to dip below this surface (ie when triggered), we then instead turn to sources of numbing like food (my weapon of choice), alcohol, tv, gambling, shopping, and so many other habits.

So let’s take this new information that we are armed with. We come to this earth to learn and become higher beings. I believe we can do this if we learn to sit in both the light and the dark. I believe that is our life’s work. Anything else, is a façade. I know this because I have lived in this façade and it is when I have had the most anxiety, depression, and physical health issues (for more read “Advice from a dead guy”).

So how do we do the work? This is the part that I can only share with you from my own experience. If you have read my posts before then I think you know what I am going to say here.. yup it’s therapy! I cannot count how many times my therapist has helped me sit in my discomfort so I can implement my shadow. Genuinely it has been in every session. It’s so deeply rooted in me that I can often forget how it shows up in all of my experiences. But I know I am able to use my shadow as a compass for where I ultimately want to go, which is back into the light. It has also allowed me to connect to my true self. I cannot know who I truly am if I am only looking at the lighter parts of myself, to me that’s a superficial look at self. Want to find a therapist I suggest starting here.

If you’re not big on therapy, I believe that Lacy Phillips in her “To Be Magnetic” manifestation program does a nice job of addressing what I have discussed. Check out her shadow workshop here.

My tarot practice has been huge on doing the work because it has taught me how there is no good and bad, there only is. It has allowed me to embrace the dark as my biggest teacher. As always, feel free to book with me here.

 Lastly, I find parts work helpful, a process where you tease out various parts of self (often done in therapy). I have personified my shadow self by naming her Jessica. When I am being triggered, which is an experience I feel physically and my thoughts are negative, then I start to open up the conversation with Jessica. I ask why she is stepping in here and then will turn to my mindfulness tools. This can be doing something from Lacy’s workshop or bringing it up in therapy. I will also journal, meditate, speak to a friend, or if Jessica is really on it, then I use movement. This is what works for me and it is through this process that I have started to see Jessica as someone I can treat with love. Jessica shows me where I need to heal and where I can integrate more aspects of self. This integration is what allows me to truly live in a state that I believe the law of attraction is getting at but just doesn’t quite complete. I invite you to decide what works best for you and please know that this is something that I continuously work at. It is also something that you don’t have to elect to do but my guess is that if you have made it this far in my post, then you are ready. 

Addressing my shadow side is where I have found my own resiliency and true inner strength. Delving into your shadow can be scary and uncomfortable but know that you can dive into the darkness and then find a way to implement it into your light. This takes courage and to me is true strength. That dive is a true connection to self. There have been times where I have swam so deep into my shadow that it felt like I was never going to surface again but I did. I know that I have the strength to pull myself out. Each time I go there I know that I will be able to uncover a new aspect of self to bring into the light. I trust that my light is so bright that it will always bring me back to the surface. Your light is just as bright too and the more you do this work, the easier it is to trust that. We cannot be scared of the dark, because darkness is what also creates the concept of light. The two exist simultaneously and that acknowledgement is a true acknowledgement of self. I invite you to build trust in yourself and allow each part of you to shine.

Be MindFULL and see you again soon. 

Xoxo, Jesse